Random thought : Heartbreak Anniversary

I assume everyone knows Heartbreak Anniversary by the incredible Giveon. If you don’t, please go and listen.

Last weekend, I was at my friend’s birthday dinner, and we were talking about heartbreak—specifically, how it would be ridiculously painful to experience our first heartbreak in our 30s.

Evidently, not everyone on earth meets their lifetime partner in their early 20s. But by 30, a lot of people have already had their first heartbreak. If they even find one to be honest.

If you haven’t, I’m not sure if that’s a good or bad thing—it’s just life, and I’m in no place to judge.

Let me repeat myself: I am not judging people who did not date or have a “proper” relationship in their youth. Me, myself, and I have gone through long periods of being single.

But what I do know is that if I had my first heartbreak in my 30s, I would die.

Why? Because it sucks!!

Really loving someone for the first time is so pure. It’s a kind of purity that I know I am incapable of experiencing again.

Your first love is often innocent and carefree.

You don’t judge with reason but with emotion. And when this relationship ends—especially if it’s because of the other person’s misbehaviour—you will never love in the same way again. Your first heartbreak can fundamentally change your brain and heart chemistry. In my opinion, you will likely never be the same person.

The innocence is gone.

Yes, you will love again, don’t worry. Even Adele found love after 21, but you will be changed forever.

You will calculate and might restrict yourself. You may develop trust issues that you’ll need to discuss with a specialist.

My first breakup, you ask?! I was a mess. I couldn’t eat, study, or move. I was like a frozen flower—crying in my bed, fasting, praying, everything all at once. I failed classes and had to explain myself to my parents. Truly incapable of functioning correctly.

I was someone who believed this person would be my forever person. I was just a kid in love—but still a kid. My parents were taking care of me and my financial needs. I had time to heal, to reset.

What a joke. What a time to be alive.

But thinking about it now, I have no regrets. However, the situation would have been very different if I had to go through the same thing at 30 years old. With adult responsibilities and without the coping mechanisms I’ve learned through previous heartbreaks, I’m not sure how I would have turned out, to be honest.

I lived, I loved, and I was loved.

Everyone is a little damaged, but to go through this in my 30s, when I have fully developed habits and responsibilities? It would have left me in shambles.

Since the previous generation screwed up the world, try to do your best and live your life for yourself, not for others. People will criticize you for things they aren’t brave enough to do themselves.

And at the end of the day, you only live ONCE.

With all my love—go live your life.