More Than A Woman ..

More Than A Woman — this well-known song by Aaliyah is what I chose to start my 30th birthday with. It helps me begin the day on a good note.

In her seminal book The Second Sex, Simone de Beauvoir wrote: “One is not born, but rather becomes, a woman.” The first time I encountered this sentence, I didn’t fully understand it. I thought: of course, I was born XX, with all the genetics and body parts necessary, and since I was born a baby girl, I would obviously become a woman one day.

But I was young and naive. I didn’t yet understand that simply being born with female attributes does not make you a woman, even if biology plays a crucial role. A great part of becoming a woman comes from experiencing societal norms, cultural expectations, and the environments we grow in. Every woman’s path is different, yet at the same time, many of us share similar experiences shaped by living in a patriarchal society.

So, what is a woman?

A woman comes in all forms and shapes, and she is more than her genitalia.
A woman is fierce, bold, and beautiful — but she can also be soft, fragile, and tender.
A woman is not just a mother, but she can be if she chooses.
A woman loves and hates, she can lead, and she can be loyal in ways that defy measure.

Women are BIGGER — as Beyoncé sings in Bigger:
“If you feel insignificant, you better think again.
Because you’re part of something way bigger.
Bigger than you, bigger than we.
Step into your essence and know that you’re excellent.”

This song resonates deeply with me, especially today, as I celebrate my 30th birthday.

30 years. 3 decades. 10,958 days.

I have learned, I have lived, and I have loved, passionately and painfully. Happiness is never guaranteed, but pain always comes. Even at the beginning of life, there is both: the pain my mother endured bringing me into this world, and the joy that followed when she held her healthy baby girl. Perhaps without pain, we wouldn’t fully appreciate happiness. That’s another reflection for another time.

30 years. 3 decades. 10,958 days.

Life is like a movie, a tragic one, because in the end, we all die. That is both the beauty of life and the sorrow of those who remain when a loved one passes away. In my 30 years, I have questioned life’s meaning and its worthiness countless times. I have hated this life and loved it, sometimes simultaneously. Though this journey we call life inevitably ends in death, that does not mean we cannot embrace the days we are given.

30 years. 3 decades. 10,958 days.

Today, I want to thank God for the life He has given me : the good, the bad, and the ugly.
To my parents, who gave me the best life they could. To my mother, whom I don’t place on a pedestal enough, but whose work and sacrifices I deeply respect. To my father, who protected me from all harm and continues to protect me from where he is. To my wonderful brothers and sisters, without whom I cannot imagine life. To my friends, who stand by me in the darkest nights and in the brightest days. To my lovers, who gave me love beyond words. Even to those I no longer speak to — you, too, have shaped who I am today.

To the real ones who are always with me: I love you, and I would choose you again in this life and the next.

With love,
Malyne