I was recently watching an episode of Variety: Actors on Actors on YouTube featuring Ellen Pompeo and Katherine Heigl. The Grey’s Anatomy alumnae were discussing different aspects of their respective careers. One moment struck me deeply — they were talking about Meredith Grey’s now-iconic plea to Derek during their tumultuous relationship. Fans of the show will instantly recognize it:
“Pick me. Choose me. Love me.”
Ellen Pompeo reflected on that scene, saying Meredith’s behavior could now be seen as the original pick-me behavior. And I respectfully disagree.
A pick-me is generally a woman who seeks excessive validation and attention from men, often by putting down other women and aligning herself with men’s interests. It’s easy to interpret Meredith’s words through that lens — though notably, she never insulted Addison (Derek’s wife) during that conversation.
It’s even easier to cast Meredith as just a woman with low self-esteem chasing a married man. And let me be clear: I do not condone cheating, ever. No matter the circumstances.
However, I think there’s more nuance here. In today’s society, we are constantly told to love ourselves. I champion that message. I do love myself. I am comfortable being alone. I can sit in silence, sink into solitude, and still feel whole. I believe every adult should reach that level of peace.
But self-love cannot replace platonic, romantic, or familial love. And shaming people for craving connection — despite having done the inner work — is a flawed analysis.
Some people don’t want romantic relationships or marriage, and that’s absolutely valid. It’s their life. But many others do, and they shouldn’t be shamed for it either.
As a TikTok creator named JUDVH beautifully said:
“Nothing beats human connection. When was the last time you felt seen, and heard, and loved in a way that felt like a warm hug?”
Not everyone wants that kind of intimacy — but those who do deserve compassion, not judgment.
The world is hard. And if you’re a woman dating men with standards, it’s even harder. Personally, I won’t settle just to say I have a partner. I never advise anyone to lower their standards just to avoid loneliness.
But it’s unfair to tell someone who genuinely loves themselves that they shouldn’t want more. That they’re somehow weak for wanting to share their life with someone.
Yes, some of us are lone wolves. But we’re also social creatures. Craving connection isn’t a flaw — it’s human. Not accepting BS doesn’t mean slamming the door shut forever. And being at peace with loneliness doesn’t mean you never long for romance or deep friendship.
I do believe women should choose themselves first — just like men often do without hesitation. But choosing myself doesn’t mean I want to become a monk.
Even though I am more of a Cristina Yang than a Meredith, I still think this part of her is completely valid. That was my little thought of the day.
What do you think? I’d love to read your thoughts in the comments!
malynevimuse 
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